


No Matter What

by RaoDaos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28880529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaoDaos/pseuds/RaoDaos
Summary: Because they both deserve each other.Canon-divergent, but I'll still say could be considered to have the need for a spoiler warning up to the most recent episode. Though I'd say nothing directly. Takes place after current canon narrative juncture.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87





	No Matter What

“Agh!” Beau’s shoulder slammed into the ground beneath her, knocked off of her feet from the blast of necrotic energy that’d hit a couple of them. She stood up quickly, wiping a small trail of blood from her mouth as she looked around and surveyed the fight. It’d been inevitable; they always knew they would have to fight Lucien and his crew eventually. If Beau were honest, she’d hoped it would have been before now, when they could have just fought them and not have to simultaneously stop the ritual that was nearing completion. She could see they were making headway; Lucien’s group was a particularly strong one, and the purple tiefling himself could cause lots of damage from far away, but since he was furthest into the chamber, attempting to complete the ritual, the Mighty Nein were easily able to stay out of his melee range. They knew if he got his hands on them, that would probably be it. They had some ways to go, but she could just see that they were slowly wearing down their defenses and they would soon be close enough to try and stop Lucien before he completed it. The young monk was pulled from her thoughts as a familiar voice rang out. 

“Beau!” 

Yasha’s eyes were wide and looking just behind the monk, which was all the information she needed as she ducked down and was missed by the weapons that swung at her head, spinning with her leg to land a stunning blow to the side of the goliath. As he keeled over, trying to catch his breath, Beau felt movement to her side as Yasha stepped up next to her to land a blow of her own to the massive body in front of them. 

Beau turned to smile at Yasha in the small moment they had while the stunned goliath remained on the ground. “Thanks, Yash…” Blue eyes widened at the battled intensity boring into her from the multicolored eyes above her, a small trail of blood leaving the side of Yasha’s perfect fucking mouth. She tried to hold back her own excitement at the rapid rise and fall of the raging barbarian’s chest as Yasha released a small smirk of her own. 

Both women turned quickly when they heard Fjord’s grunt of pain not far from them, seeing the tall elf knock him to the ground with some spell. It was at that moment the goliath began to show signs of breaking his stun. Blue eyes were still wide when they looked back towards Yasha before the barbarian yelled, raising her sword back up. “Go help Fjord! I can handle this one…” 

Beau watched as Yasha squared up with the giant angry creature that was starting to stand back up. She felt a shudder run down her spine when the aasimar let a rage fueled scream go, the muscles of her back flexing as she readied her body and weapon. _Fuck_ , she was so hot. Beau had to physically shake her head to remain focused on the task at hand as she ran over to assist her captain. 

The Nein continued to beat back Lucien’s crew, attempting to stall the purple tiefling in his ritual as best they could. Just as they were gaining some more ground, the hafling Otis falling finally to a fireball from Caleb, everyone froze as a revving sound that grew in intensity with each passing second began to erupt from the center of the ruin. Everyone turned to see Lucien with his hands up, floating the last threshold crest into place, all of them lighting up with the low humming sounds. 

“ _No!_ ”

The fear laden in Jester’s voice was the same that spread through Yasha’s chest as her eyes turned to her small blue friend. She could see the desperation written in purple eyes as the small tiefling turned to make eye contact with her and knew that Jester was about to do something reckless. Yasha looked around the chamber: besides Jester, she was the closest to Lucien and the circle of crests he’d created. She let out a battle cry as she parried away the swinging hammer of the goliath she was still fighting, sparks flying off of the clashing metal before she brought the weapon back around quicker than her opponent was anticipating, skewering him through the abdomen. She watched his hulking form fall before she turned to see Jester muttering something under her breath, staring in the direction of the purple tiefling who’d now begun the final part of the ritual. Yasha could see the purple magical energy begin to shimmer around her friend and as her stomach dropped, she began to make a run for Lucien. She clenched her jaw, moving as fast as her exhausted legs would allow; they were far away from him and she knew that even though she’d begun her sprint before Jester’s spell was complete, there was no way she made it there before the dimension door appeared. A flash of purple just next to Lucien and the largest crest had Yasha letting a growl go as she pushed herself to try and go faster. 

The Nonagon heard the feral sound coming towards him and he turned, seeing the large pale woman running for him. The funny timing of (all of) his eyes turning to send a jolt of arcane energy towards the storming barbarian, sending her falling to the ground in pain, was that there was a split second of time where he was unable to notice the small blue girl that’d appeared on the platform with him...until the crest was sent tumbling down from its position, shattering across the floor of the cavern, stilling everyone in the vicinity. 

The two tieflings stared at each other for a moment, neither daring to even breathe before Jester made a move to run, a flash of red coming from Lucien had her falling to the ground in front of him with a cry. He bent down, rage seeping from his red eyes as he grabbed the blue girl around the throat, lifting her up in front of him. 

“Jester!” Fjord’s voice echoed through the space as he and Beau took off in her direction from their places in the very back of the cavern, both knowing they were too late, his hands were already on her, both still having to try. They ran past Veth and Caleb as they dispatched the last of Lucien’s crew, terrified eyes on the girl within Lucien’s grasp. 

“You...have made a _very_ unfortunate mistake, girl.” Lucien’s purple lips curled into a vicious smile as blue fingers flew to the hand he had clasped around her neck, attempting to break free. “Don’t bother, you’re done. Say hello to the city for me…” 

Purple eyes went wide at his last statement, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest as the red eye on his chest began to glow, she knew she was done for. Jester glanced behind him when she noticed movement, though she was unable to register what was happening as she began to feel an intense pressure in her head, her vision going red. 

Lucien was unable to react, all of his anger and energy focused in that moment on the blue tiefling flailing in his grip. It wasn’t until he realized the bright light that suddenly seemed to be around him that he even noticed something had happened; his hand was then forced to drop the now gasping girl with a yell as a sharp pain exploded across his back. 

Yasha’s wings were still out, light radiating off of them in the dark cavern as she landed, bringing her sword down across the entire back of Lucien’s body, blood spattering across the ground as his body turned from the sheer force of the strike. She didn’t even give him time to process what’d happened before she brought Magician’s Judge back up, slicing her way through the front of his torso, bisecting the red eye on his chest with a bright flash. 

Lucien’s strangled cry of pain was cut short as the blade finished its course upwards through and out the side of his throat; a bright flash of red light erupting from his chest before his crumpled form fell to the ground. 

Yasha felt Fjord run up behind her as she fell to her knees with a huff. Her eyes turned briefly to see him holding the blue tiefling in his arms, confirming that she was unconscious, but alive. Yasha let out the breath she was holding once she knew that she hadn’t been too late and that Jester would be okay. Her eyes slowly made their way back towards the lifeless body laid out before her; her heart seizing in her chest once it was back in her view. Her sword fell from her grip, falling to the ground with a clang beside her, her eyes never leaving the bright red ones that remained opened, staring back at her. Yasha could feel her whole body begin to shake as a sob made its way out of her chest. _He hadn’t been her friend._ The life that this body had woken up into this time did not belong to Mollymauk, but as heterochromatic eyes danced across the form laid out on the cold ground of the ancient ruin, droplets of tears falling from them as she did, Yasha’s heart couldn’t tell the difference. In his now thrice dead form, it was much, _much_ harder to separate her friend from her enemy. When the sneering smile no longer spread across his features as Yasha’s sword spun him around, when his face showed only genuine shock and an anger that looked too painfully close to betrayal, Yasha had seen her friend. For one, quick, agonizing second as Magician’s Judge swung that final upwards slice, Yasha was reminded that _if_ Molly happened to be somewhere inside of there, he was about to be spilled out on the floor beneath her, spread across her sword, splattered on her face. Gone. Again. By her own hand this time. 

One hand came up to her chest and she heaved a strangled breath, trying to control her breathing. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears and although she was able to remind herself that she had to do it, that he was going to kill Jester, it didn’t stop the hot tears from flowing down her face. She’d never actually seen Molly’s dead body; she’d been taken with him alive, and awoke to his grave. Perhaps that’s what’d made seeing Lucien so strange and hard; she’d never seen Molly die, so to see him up and walking around, her brain couldn’t separate the two. And now...now she saw. She saw what those bright red eyes looked like with no life behind them; saw how the purple of his skin faded ever so slightly. How the smirk really was a choice, even when sleeping, that was unable to be made in death. She jumped slightly when she felt a touch to her shoulder, but relaxed into it when the small warm hand wound itself behind her neck, the familiar loving touch pulling her into the side of the small monk. 

Beau had been just behind Fjord in her arrival to the platform; she could see that the half orc was tending to the unconscious tiefling that they’d all been trying to save. Her attention almost immediately turning to the trembling form of Yasha, who knelt in front of Lucien’s dead form. She slowly walked up behind the aasimar, her heart sinking as she realized she was crying. Her hand reached out, moving past the tremor in the strong body beneath it to pull the taller woman into her. “Oh, Yash…” Strong arms wrapped around Beau’s waist as Yasha leaned into her fully, tears beginning to soak the exposed skin of her stomach as Beau wrapped her own arm around the barbarian, her fingers snaking into the thick mane of hair. 

“I h-ha...I ha-had to…” Yasha knew no one needed convincing of that, but it was all she could seem to get out as she continued to cry. The hands in her hair took a firm grip in it and she could feel the woman in front of her kneel down to her slightly. 

“Yasha, look at me…” Beau waited for the multicolored eyes to slowly make their way up to her own. “You _had_ to do it…” She bit the inside of her lip as a tear escaped down her cheek before she nodded at the woman in her arms. “Okay? I’m...fuck, I’m so sorry you had to be the one, but you had to do it...he was gonna kill her.” 

Yasha nodded her head, tears still streaming from her eyes as Beau pulled her back into her, wrapping her strong arms around her shoulders, cradling her head to her chest. After another minute, Beau slowly lowered herself to the ground, the aasimar slumping in her lap as the small monk continued to run her fingers through her hair, whispering quietly to her. 

_It’s going to be okay…you did it; it’s over..._  
I’m sorry…  
I’ve got you… 

*******

Yasha slowly walked into the tower; it was by some miracle that Caleb was able to create it for them still. Her hand was firmly clasped in Beau’s and so when Yasha stopped short of the center column, it pulled the shorter woman back to meet her. 

Beau quirked her eyebrows in question at the woman behind her; Yasha looked like she wanted to say something, but was finding it difficult. “Yash? You okay?” Beau slowly reached out and pushed a strand of white hair behind a pointed ear as she kept her eyes on Yasha’s face. The small sign of affection was new, but the smaller woman felt strangely at ease in giving it; especially once she saw the slight way in which Yasha leaned into the touch. She could see the other woman worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “What do you need?” Beau carefully placed her hand on Yasha’s cheek, cupping it as she ran her thumb across it. 

Yasha could see nothing but understanding a patience written in the blue eyes in front of her; she felt safe to ask for what she needed at that moment. “Would you...stay with me?” She could feel the blush forming on her cheeks immediately following her question. Her nerves tampered down slightly when a genuine smile spread across Beau’s face. 

“Of course I will...whatever you need. Your place?” 

A small smile spread across Yasha’s face at how easily Beau agreed to stay with her. “If you’d be more comfortable in yours, I don’t mind-”

“Nah, let's do yours. I like yours better.” Beau turned and began walking them back towards the center of the tower. 

Yasha pursed her lips in thought. “You’ve only really been in there the one time…” 

A smirk worked its way onto Beau’s face and she decided to lean into her good feeling and tell Yasha the truth instead of her usual avoidances. “Yeah, but...whenever _you_ come out of there in the morning, you smell like flowers and it's...I dunno...it’s nice...I like it.” She chanced a glance up at the aasimar and was pleased to see a dark, pretty blush color adorning her cheeks...and neck...and further down, if she wasn’t mistaken. 

“Thank you, Beau.” Yasha looked down at their feet as they floated up to her floor; she knew her entire upper body must have been blushing at that point, so there was no way she could make eye contact with the sure to be smirking monk next to her. Not yet at least. Yasha found herself able to glance over and make quick eye contact with the smaller woman as they paused at her door before she opened it and invited Beau in. 

Blue eyes closed and a small smile spread across her face as Beau inhaled the sweet floral scent that seemed to follow Yasha wherever she went; she couldn’t recall a single other time she felt such comfort from scent memory. When she turned to look at Yasha, she could see the taller woman already looking at her with a small, knowing smile causing Beau’s cheeks to blush. She turned to lean on a chair, watching as the taller woman reached behind herself to remove her large swords and lean them on the wall. Beau frowned slightly when Yasha’s head fell, her hand resting on Magician’s Judge as she leaned it, unable to let go for a second. Beau had never been very good in these situations; she tried desperately to think of some way to make the other woman feel better. She chose to let her instincts take over as she stood up from the chair and walked over to the aasimar; her smaller hand reached out, landing on the larger one still on the sword. Beau’s other hand rubbed at Yasha’s back as she leaned her head on the taller woman’s shoulder. “What can I do?” 

Yasha let a puff of air out from her nose as a small smile hinted at the corner of her mouth. “It’s just nice having you here, Beau. Thank you.” Yasha leaned slightly into the comforting touches the smaller woman was giving her. She took their hands off of the sword, turning around to face Beau, blushing slightly at the warm feeling in her chest when a tan hand remained on her hip. 

Beau brushed her thumb on Yasha’s hip with a small smile, savoring the fact that her hands were actually on the other woman in such a gentle way, while still trying to decide what would best comfort her. “Wanna take a bath or something?” Her eyes went wide in time with Yasha’s, as her own statement sounded in her ears. 

“...together?” Yasha tried not to laugh at the stammering monk in front of her. 

“N-no...not...I-I wasn’t...I mean, y’know...unless you want to? Shit, I just-” Beau’s hand shot to the back of her neck, feeling the heat rise from her own pulse. 

“I mean…” 

Yasha’s statement halted Beau’s brain. She stopped and looked up at the barbarian, seeing a shy smile on her face. Her mouth hung open slightly, unable to form words, unwilling to assume. 

A small laugh fell from Yasha’s mouth at the look on Beau’s face. “What? It’s not like it isn’t something we’ve technically done already…” The knowledge of the differences between the bathhouse jacuzzi with _literally_ their entire family and a (to be fair) rather large bath tub with just the two of them hung between them unspoken. 

“Uhm...is...is that what you want?” For some reason Beau still couldn’t dare to dream that Yasha had really just agreed to take a bath together. 

“Do you not? It is okay if you don’t-”

“No! That’s-” A small laugh escaped from the small monk. “That is _not_ what I’m saying. I just...I’m just making sure that you’re sure…” 

Yasha considered it for another second before nodding her head. “Let’s do it.” 

“O-okay, sure!” Beau’s smile widened as they made their way through Yasha’s suite to her bedroom where the large tub sat. 

Once both of them were naked and situated in the tub a silence fell over them. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it did seem weighted, both women deep in their own thoughts. Beau noticed after another minute of them relaxing in the tub that Yasha had more than once reached back to rub at her shoulders. “You want some help with that?” 

“Hmm?” It took a second and the smaller woman across from her gesturing at her hand on her neck before Yasha realized. 

“C’mere…” Beau patted her chest, telling Yasha to lean back against her. She smirked at the blush forming on the aasimar’s cheeks as she turned around and leaned on the tan body now behind her. Beau let out a sigh when their bodies came into contact, trying to ignore the surge of arousal that shot to her center when she had to spread her legs around the larger body now nestled between them. Her hands gently came to rest on the broad shoulders in front of her and she began to knead, her eyes rolling in the back of her head involuntarily at the small moan that escaped Yasha as she pressed into the tensioned flesh and the barbarian relaxed fully against her. She worked at the top of her shoulders for a few minutes, before she noticed the small flex in Yasha’s posture when her thumbs grazed the very back of her neck just under her skull. If she focused, Beau could see the hints of scarring from Obann’s mark still raised on the alabaster skin. “Do you uh...I can avoid the back of your neck if you want?” She kept lightly stroking the spot where shoulder met neck with her thumbs as Yasha thought about it. 

“I….I think it is okay...I uh…” Yasha stuttered for a moment, trying to find the words. “I trust your touch, Beau.” 

It took actual effort to keep a few tears from escaping her eyes at the punch to her chest Beau just experienced from Yasha’s words. She didn’t allow herself to second guess it as she slowly leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the spot they’d just been discussing, smirking at the way Yasha gripped her thighs while her body leaned back even further into Beau. The monk wrapped her arms around Yasha’s torso, hugging her to her as she leaned her head down next to the taller woman’s ear. “Thanks for trusting me.” She placed another kiss behind Yasha’s ear, smiling at the relaxed ‘hmmm’ she received in response. 

They stayed that way, embracing in the hot water for a bit longer until Beau heard a small chuckle from the woman in front of her; it was one of her favorite sounds and she tightened her hold on Yasha before asking. “What?” 

“I was just wondering...does this count as a date?” 

“Heh...do you want it to count as a date?”

“I dunno...I have never been on a date before, I do not know what to compare it to.” Yasha leaned her head to the side as the woman behind her leaned her head down to place her lips on her shoulder again, humming as she thought.

“Well...I don’t have much experience with dates either...but I think that if this is one, it’s definitely the best one I’ve been on.” Beau smirked into the contact her lips had on Yasha’s shoulder before bringing her hands back up to resume their massaging of the muscles under them; her eyes followed her hands as they ghosted over the pale skin, the impressive muscles flexing and relaxing as she worked them. “Your body is so awesome.” She squeezed her legs around the body in between them slightly when Yasha chuckled again. “What? S’true…” Beau gave a small playful shove to the aasimar’s back.

“Thank you, Beau. I am pretty fond of your body too…” Yasha gave the thighs under her hands a small squeeze, smiling at the slight yelp and twitching the body behind her responded with. 

The smaller woman had to clear her throat before being able to speak, her voice an octave lower at that point. “We are pretty fuckin’ hot, aren’t we?” Her arms again found place around the larger woman’s torso as Yasha leaned back against her, resting her head on Beau’s shoulder as the monk leaned hers down next to her. She smiled at the low ‘mmm’ she heard as she looked down at the smiling angel in her arms. Blue eyes closed, Beau matching the relaxed expression of the other woman. 

After a few seconds, her eyes still closed, Yasha’s smile widened when a thought crossed her mind. “Maybe we should have used your room…” 

Beau’s voice was soft, her eyes also remaining closed. “Yeah? Why’s that?” 

“We are hot...there is a large mirror in there…” 

Beau’s eyes shot open at that, immediately falling to the woman in her arms who was already looking up at her with a gaze that was mostly charged if not slightly playful. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt an arm shift in the water, coming out of it to rest on the side of her neck, edging her slightly closer towards Yasha; she absentmindedly ran her tongue along her bottom lip as she forced herself to keep the eye contact. 

“If we are...counting this as a date...does that mean it might be okay if I were to...want to kiss you?” Yasha felt a shiver run through the body behind her when she grazed her thumb along the underside of Beau’s jaw. 

The small monk audibly gulped when she felt Yasha’s thumb move, trying to bring the moisture back to her mouth before she nodded her head slightly. “ _Yes_ , Yasha...that would be more than okay.” Beau quickly returned the small smile her permission caused to spread across the face beneath her before the hand on her neck began to pull her the rest of the way down towards Yasha’s waiting lips. 

There was no rush to this kiss, no desperation born of lost time. It was of two people coming home, of finding a comforting place to rest their heart. They both poured as much tenderness as they possibly could into the kiss, their bodies taking the opportunity to finally touch each other gently, relishing in the contrast to the often violent contact of their past. 

Yasha’s fingers moved further, running her short nails through Beau’s undercut as she felt a small hand reach up to cup her face, pulling her further into the kiss with a small breathless sound. 

When they finally pulled apart for necessary air, Beau rested her forehead against Yasha’s, catching her breath with a wide grin. “Mmhmm…” She took a small breath through her nose before opening her eyes, seeing the multi colored ones beneath her open in question. She leaned down, placing one more quick peck on the aasimar before letting a small chuckle fall past her tingling lips. “Best date ever…” Beau leaned back in the tub, her arms still around Yasha as the taller woman let a full bodied laugh escape her chest. Blue eyes closed as her own light laughter mixed in with what she considered to be the best sound in this world; Beau decided then and there that it would be her life’s mission to hear that laugh as many times as possible, to do everything in her power to pull that delightful sound from the angel in her arms. 

*******

Once they exchanged the warmth of the tub for the warmth of Yasha’s bed, they remained wrapped around each other, Beau on her back with the aasimar half on top with her head resting on her chest while the monk ran her fingers through her hair. The shorter woman felt the slight change in the air once they’d laid in silence for a few minutes; she could hear Yasha sigh, knowing the barbarian was thinking back to earlier that night. Her voice was soft as she brushed some hair away from Yasha’s face. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Beau noticed the larger body on top of hers react to her question and so she just waited, knowing the other woman heard her. 

Yasha took a deep breath, blinking her eyes a few times to try and rid them of the visual that was now burned into her brain. Her eyes landed briefly on the large scar that poked out of the top and bottom of Beau’s breast band, one hand moving on its own to run a finger along the exposed top portion. When she finally spoke, her voice was slightly strained as it came out, clearly holding back a wave of emotions she just wasn’t sure she was ready for. “I...I know it wasn’t him. I know he was our enemy, and I do not regret what I had to do. If Jester...if any of you were in danger like that, I would gladly do it again. And...I _know_ it wasn’t him…” Her voice broke for a second, a few tears falling from her eyes to land on the exposed warm skin beneath her. 

Beau bit on the inside of her bottom lip, breathing steady through her nose so she wouldn’t give away how intensely Yasha’s words and the pain evident behind them were affecting her. It killed her to know the taller woman was in pain and there really wasn’t anything she could do to make it go away. She knew Yasha wasn’t done talking, and so she stayed still, one hand still running through Yasha’s thick hair, waiting for her to continue. 

Yasha looked again to the scar her own weapon had torn through the perfect body under her, the familiar seize in her chest forcing a small sob from her mouth. “It’s like...with this…” She laid her hand flat on Beau’s chest, on top of the large scar. “I know it wasn’t me...I can recognize that easier now, but-” She took in a shaky breath, her head twitching slightly at the quick images, sounds, and feelings that accosted her whenever she let herself think about that night in the cathedral. “But knowing it wasn’t me doesn’t make the very real memory of-of hurting you in such a way _any_ easier to live with…” She closed her eyes, appreciating the way Beau’s arm tightened around her as she let a few more tears fall. It’d taken some time, but Yasha was finally in a place where she didn’t _blame_ herself for the awful things that Obann forced her to do, but there wasn’t much she could do in ways of ridding her mind of the memories it still held. No matter where the blame fell, the remembering was all the same. 

“I uh-” Beau cleared her throat, the ball that’d been forming in it from listening to Yasha hard to speak around. “I get what you’re saying. I fucking hate thinking about all of the times you and I have fought each other...it uh- doesn’t really matter that you weren’t yourself. It still really sucks to think about.” A small sad smile spread across Beau’s face for a moment when the aasimar brought an arm around her waist and gave her a small squeeze. She remained quiet again, knowing Yasha had more to say. 

Her voice sounded far away to her own ears as she remembered landing behind Lucien, his body turning around to reveal his face just before her killing blow. “For a moment, when I was-just-just before, ya’know…” She took a shuddering breath, knowing she didn’t need to explain further, the monk knew the moment she spoke of. “He looked like...himself. I know that is-I know Lucien always _looked_ like him, that it always felt like we were looking at him, but for a second it felt like...like he was looking _back_. It’s all I can think about. I am sure that makes no sense…” It was hard for Yasha to speak around the tears that had begun to flow, that last second where she’d seen Molly and had to decide to slice anyway replaying in her mind. 

“No, I- '' Beau didn’t even bother hiding the rasp in her voice as she reached a hand up to wipe away a tear that’d fallen from her own eye; of all them who had to make that final strike. “Yash, I’m just so fucking sorry that you were the one who had to-” She wove her fingers back through Yasha’s now mostly white hair, clutching the crying woman to her chest as the angel tightened her grip around Beau. 

“I think-” Yasha sucked in a stabilizing breath through her nose. “I think it is helpful now for me to truly know that he is gone. I wasn’t- I mean, I guess I was there when Molly-but I didn’t see it happen...and so it was very hard for me to accept. Especially after we met Lucien.” She sucked in a few rapid breaths as her breathing became more erratic. “But now...now I _know_...now the hope can go away because...because...” _Because she killed him herself._ Yasha allowed her body to move as Beau beckoned her up higher with a gentle _‘come here’_ and a small pull with her arms. She settled her face into Beau’s neck, wrapping her arms underneath her shoulders as the smaller woman wrapped both of hers around her head, planting a small kiss to her temple as she finally just let the last of her sobs escape past the dam she’d been attempting to maintain. 

Beau held Yasha that way for a few minutes, until the flowing tears lessened and her breathing was back to normal. The small monk had needed to expel a few long, deep breaths to maintain at least some composure as tears quietly flowed freely from her own eyes, the swell in her chest at witnessing Yasha as she allowed herself to fall apart threatening to wash over her and dissolve her into sobs of her own. It was a new thing for Beau; to have allowed someone in so wholly, to care so deeply for someone that seeing them in pain is worse than any pain you could go through yourself. There isn’t anywhere else Beau would want to be, and if Yasha was going to fall apart, Beau wanted to be there to catch all of the pieces and save them for when they put her back together; she knew she wanted to be that person for Yasha, but she wasn’t prepared for having to put so much effort into holding herself together at the same time. She licked some of the salty wetness off of her lips before turning to place another kiss to Yasha’s temple, leaving her lips resting there as she refocused her attention to the woman in her arms, continuing the gentle touches and soft spoken promises that Yasha was safe, that Beau had her, that she wasn’t going anywhere. 

It was a few minutes later when Yasha’s eyes opened, not completely sure they hadn’t dozed off for a minute after the crying finally died down. She listened to the breathing from the woman beneath her and knew that Beau was awake. “Beau?” Her voice was still thick with the earlier tears when she spoke, smiling at the sleepy ‘hmm?” she received in response. She simply turned her head up slightly to plant a small kiss to the underside of Beau’s jaw. “Thank you...I do not know that I would be able to get through these things without you here with me.” Her eyes closed for a second as the smaller woman turned and placed a kiss to her forehead, one eye opening to look down at her incredulously. 

“Shut up. You would too...you’re the strongest person I know…” Before Yasha could protest, Beau brought her fingers under her chin, lifting it to meet her lips in a kiss that Beau poured all of herself into, releasing a long breath through her nose once the shocked body beneath her relaxed completely into it. She moved her hand to the back of Yasha’s head briefly, smiling into it when she felt Yasha’s body shiver in response as she pulled her deeper into it. When she finally released the larger woman, she hoped she’d kissed away any doubt she held about herself. Even so, she kept her forehead pressed against Yasha’s, waiting until the heterochromatic eyes were on hers, her hand still holding her head. “You _are_ Yash...and you absolutely could get through anything on your own, I know it...but-” A small chuckle fell from her lips, Beau shocking herself a little with how honest she was about to be, throwing all of her cards out there. “But Yasha, I promise...as long as I am around, as long as...well, as long as you’ll _let_ me...you won’t have to go through anything on your own. I will be right here.” 

Yasha tucked herself further into Beau’s neck than before, breathing her in as a couple extra tears fell at the genuine care she was receiving. “I do not know how it is possible that I could deserve someone as wonderful as you at my side, Beau...but thank you.” She spoke against the warm tanned skin next to her lips, kissing the same spot once she was done. 

“Heh...possible for _you_ to deserve _me_?? Yasha...you’re an actual angel with wings and I’m just some nobody from-” It was Beau’s turn to be silenced as the aasimar surged upwards to capture her lips before she could go any further, giving Beau’s bottom lip a small nibble before releasing it. She was now positioned above the now stunned monk, holding herself up with one hand under a tanned shoulder and the other besides Beau’s head. 

“You are _everything_ , Beau…” Her piercing gaze sharpened, forcing the smaller woman to both keep their eye contact and not verbally protest Yasha’s statement. The barbarian leaned down, rubbing the tip of her nose against Beau’s before placing a light kiss to it, mirroring the small smile that formed on Beau’s face in response. “If I must recognize my strength...or try to...then you must try to recognize your worth.” A sad smile formed on her face as she watched Beau’s expression fall slightly at her words, knowing it was possibly the hardest thing for Beau to do. She leaned herself down again, placing a kiss in between Beau’s wrinkled eyebrows, leaving her lips there until she felt the spot relax under her touch. When she picked her head back up to look down at her, she could see a fresh wall of tears forming in the bright blue eyes beneath her. “I know that is not easy...but just like you said…” Yasha placed one more small kiss to Beau’s parted lips. “As long as you let me...I will be here to help remind you.” A small yelp left Yasha, quickly turning into an actual laugh as two tanned arms surged upwards, wrapping themselves around her neck before she was flipped onto her back, the monk completely on top of her, holding her tight, burying her own face into Yasha’s neck. She wrapped her own arms around Beau’s waist, holding the smaller woman close to her.

Beau closed her eyes, feeling the tears escape them anyway as she clung to the larger woman, listening to that beautiful laughter. She thought her chest might explode if she let herself lean into the feeling quickly expanding through it. It’s funny, you don’t realize there are things you’ve been waiting your whole life to hear, things you’ve written off because you never thought you would ever actually get them...until they are finally spoken to you. Hearing Yasha promise to be there, knowing that she actually believed her...it broke something wide open inside of Beau in the best possible way. The tears falling from her eyes now were happy ones, born of a missing piece of Beau’s heart finally slotting into place. No...missing was the wrong word...for something to go missing, you had to have at some point had possession of it; Beau knew this was something she never had. As she lifted her head to look down at Yasha, she felt two warm hands cup her face, large thumbs brushing at her tears causing her to smile. She sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe at her nose with the back of it. “Can we…” She tried to find the words letting a small puff of air go. “Can we just...I dunno...try and believe that we deserve each other?” She shook her head slightly in Yasha’s grasp. “Because you just...you make me really happy Yasha…” 

“You make me happy too, Beau.” Yasha moved her hands back down to rest on the small of Beau’s back as the smaller woman bent herself forward to tap their foreheads together before placing a quick kiss to Yasha’s cheek. 

“Good...because I just want to keep feeling this way...and making you feel this way...no matter what.” She settled back down with her head resting on Yasha’s chest, feeling the ‘hmm’ as it vibrated through it. She felt a small yawn work its way out of her throat as Yasha pulled the blanket up over them and placed a kiss to Beau’s forehead.

“No matter what, Beau…” Yasha closed her eyes with a small smile, the earlier pain of the night forgotten for now as she settled into the comforting weight of the woman falling quickly to sleep on top of her.


End file.
